Behind The Scenes

22-03-2019

Behind The Scenes with Rebekah Borucki

"I would say wherever you are in motherhood—it's okay, it's normal, this has happened before, it will happen again. You're not alone. And if someone shows you that it's abnormal that's their ego. If someone tells you that you're wrong that's their ego."

Rebekah “Bex” Borucki’s love for life and adventure has led her to embrace her curiosity and try new things. You know the motivational quote “You have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce”? Bex embodies it. She is a meditation guide, author, yoga teacher, birth doula, TV host, founder of BexLife, and a mother of five.

Bex attributes her career path to being a teen mom. She grew up without certain adult expectations. “I stayed very childlike in that regard,” she explained to us. “I’m still waiting to see who I’m going to be when I grow up.” 

MEDITATE YOUR WAY

Bex’s spiritual journey started with shoplifting. As an adolescent, she struggled severely with anxiety and depression. Raised in a religious home, her experience left her feeling betrayed by her faith, and wanting to find answers. She was working at a used bookstore with her mother, and came across Be Here Now by Ram Dass. The book piqued her curiosity, but she didn’t have the means to purchase the book. So she stole it. 

“It was my first introduction to Eastern philosophy,” she recalls, “My first introduction to meditation that looked to me like prayer moving inward. So it wasn’t about appealing to this outside being it was really about looking to my own wisdom, what was already in me, to guide me. And that felt, as a 15 year old who was really struggling, like, it made me feel empowered and it made me feel like I had something to say. That my voice was valid.” 

This began her meditation practice, which focuses on healing over rules. Her first book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life is all about making meditation practical and accessible for all kinds of lifestyles. Early on, Bex didn’t see anyone meditating with goals similar to hers. She wanted to change that. 

She affirms, “There are as many effective ways to meditate as there are people on the planet. There are seven billion different ways to meditate. It’s about connection, it’s about telling yourself that you matter. That you’re listening, because sometimes that’s all we need to hear to feel better. Just for someone to say, ‘Hey, I hear you, I see you.'”

Like the title of her book suggests, it just takes four minutes to build self-care into your life.

THERE'S LOVE IN LETTING GO

In our conversation, Bex shares a quote from the philosopher Kahlil Gibran: “Our children come through us, not from us.” That quote pertains to a big lesson she learned throughout motherhood: surrendering. 

She’s the mother to a 21-year-old, a 19-year-old, a 16-year-old, an eight-year-old, and her youngest is almost five-years old. Having her eldest at a young age, Bex talks about how they grew up together, and how every kid has evolved her parenting style. She acknowledges that at one point she, “really felt this sense of ownership over my children and a sense of responsibility that was overblown,” which changed when she experienced estrangement from her second eldest.

It was an extremely tough time, a time she reflects on and says, “I had to look at my kid and go, “He’s going to be alright.” And I had to hold that space for him to be alright. But I really had to let go and say, “This is his journey, these are his rights of passage. This isn’t mine. And if I keep stepping in the way, because the way I know the universe works, he’s going to have to deal with it again someday.” 

That period taught her to let go of the negative things she was projecting into his future, and to accept that every relationship doesn’t have to look the way she thinks it should look. Now, her relationship with them is solid and positive. 

DO THE RIGHT THING

As much as we want to, we can’t shield our children from the realities of the world. For Bex, it’s important to have conversations with your kids about big issues and difficult topics when they’re young. Ultimately, it’s better for our kids to face the real world with our guidance than to go in alone. 

She recalls a moment with her child in the car, where they were discussing what it means to be different from others, and the kinds of discrimination one can face. “It was stuff that they had obviously been thinking about for a really long time.” 

It’s not just politics to Bex, it’s personal. As a half-black woman, she says, “People think I’m just ambiguously exotic or whatever. They don’t know. I choose to center blackness. I choose to make black issues, and especially issues relating to black indigenous women, at the forefront of what I do.” 

Bex advises, “Everyone has to pick their own comfort level, but I say step right outside of where you’re comfortable. Your kids are resilient. They understand and they’re seeing things. Nothing’s news to them.” 

With all her kids, she teaches them and tells them, “You have so much privilege in this world. Don’t use the privilege, give it away. Don’t speak for someone, step aside and give them your spot at the table.”

PIPE DOWN IN THE BEDROOM

Having a little time away from the kids is a treasure. Even more so when you have the time and energy for private time with your partner. But Bex warns parents too excited for that private time to be as quiet as a mouse, for the kid’s sake. “Hearing my parents have sex was the most traumatizing experience in my entire life, and I will not do that to my children,” she avows. 

She knows her partner would probably like to hear her make noise in the bedroom, but her new normal is silent sex. Bex professes, “I have mastered the art of even breathing silently. You can’t even hear me breathe.” Her partner? Not so much. But she’s quick to shout out “going to the bathroom” or other scenarios if the kids hear even a little peep. 

YOU'RE NOT ALONE

Bex believes in the power of sharing her motherhood journey, which centers around compassion and mindfulness. She is a big proponent of radical vulnerability and honesty. She feels that the stories that fill us with the most shame and guilt are also the stories that can make other mothers feel less alone.

 “I would say wherever you are in motherhood—it’s okay, it’s normal, this has happened before, it will happen again. You’re not alone. And if someone shows you that it’s abnormal that’s their ego. If someone tells you that you’re wrong that’s their ego,” she says. 

Have any questions or want to connect with Bex? She’s a self-described social media addict, and wants to keep the conversation going and build community with mothers everywhere. Find her on Instagram at @bexlife.

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