They say it takes a village, and it really does. What they don’t tell you, is that part of that village comes in the form of your chosen Mom Group. The Mom Group is often a random collection of strangers, brought together by fate, similar due dates, and the luck of signing up for the same Tiny Tots class. Were these moms virtual strangers to you prior to becoming a parent? Probably. Do these folks end up knowing the ins and outs and very intricate details of your life just by virtue of having kids the same age? Most definitely. It may take a few iterations before you find YOUR mom group. You know, the one that doesn’t make you feel bad for turning on Bluey so you can drink your coffee while it’s hot and doesn’t judge you for asking (in all seriousness) if you might have somehow given birth to a demon instead of a regular baby. But in every mom group you try on until you hit the jackpot, we’re betting there’ll be a version of at least one of these moms in the inner circle. Tag yourselves – which one are you?
1. The Calendar Mom
Play something by ear? Never met her. The Calendar Mom lives and dies by their calendar, which they so graciously shared with you at the start of the very first playdate. They even did you all a solid and gave you each your very own color for blocking out time. They’ve got playdates, lunches, classes and parties scheduled six weeks out. “Last minute” is a phrase that does not exist in their vocabulary. Need to change plans? Please make sure to do so at least 7 business days before the event on the shared calendar, thank you. You will appreciate their commitment to keep the group on a tight schedule, even if you do have to scroll into the next season to find a free block of time on their calendar to grab coffee.
2. The Loosey Goosey Mom
Loosey Goosey is the complete antithesis of The Calendar Mom. The calendar in their home is still set to 2020, and the one on their phone just exists to create app symmetry on their home screen. Are they free at 3pm on Tuesday for a music class? Who the hell knows, tbh, but they will agree to attend without a second thought. Their mantra is: if something can be scheduled, it can be canceled (or ignored). You will be in constant awe of the chaos in which Loosey lives, and maybe even a little bit jealous of the fact they can live (somewhat successfully) in a world where time does not exist. You’d think that Loosey would drive The Calendar Mom absolutely bonkers, but somehow the challenge of getting Loosey on the same time plane as the rest of the group invigorates our calendar-worshiping friend.
3. The Here-for-the-Moms Mom
Why bring your kids and ruin a perfectly good wine and cheese tea sesh with your friends, you know? This mom loves their kids, but also loves their friends, and appreciates a chance to unwind and turn off mom mode whenever it presents itself. They’re in a mom group because they are a mom, but are looking for less ‘mommy and me’ time and more ‘mommy is free’ time. Here-for-the-Moms never misses a playdate with their kids, but also sends out at least 10 evites a month for child-free group time. It’s all about balance, after all.
4. The Does-It-All Mom
Your life is busy AF, but somehow you don’t even come close to holding a candle to the Does-It-All-Mom. They RSVP yes to every single play date, party, field trip and moms’ night while working two full time jobs, raising three kids, volunteering at the animal shelter, delivering meals to senior citizens, heading up the PTA at two different schools, keeping an absolutely flawless house, and STILL somehow having time to spend with their partner and kids. Somehow they have absorbed all the time that Loosey Goosey ignores in their own life and uses every single second of it. Their ability to get it all done is unprecedented and being in their presence is enough to make you need a nap.
5. The Mary Poppins Mom
Their diaper bag isn’t any bigger than yours, so how TF does it fit so much?! No matter what you need/ran out of/forgot to pack, Mary Poppins has your back. Diaper blowout ruined your infant’s outfit? They’ve got an extra onesie, even though your kids wear two completely different sizes. Kid decides to chuck their socks into the fountain at the park? Mary has two extra pairs. Toddler spiked an out-of-left-field fever during snack time? They’ve got Motrin and Tylenol, in liquid and chewable form. First postpartum period shows up unexpectedly while the group is making the rounds at the zoo? Don’t panic – Mary has pads and tampons, in multiple absorbencies and with or without an applicator. No one understands how they are always one step ahead of everyone else or how they manage to stroll around with what amounts to a CVS/Target/Buy Buy Baby in their diaper bag, but they’ve saved your ass enough times so you don’t question it.
Each of these types of moms you’ll meet in your mom group bring a little something special and unique to the table. You may not be in a committed relationship with your calendar or pack your diaper bag like everyday is a two-month long expedition, but you know what? That’s ok! Because chances are, one of the other moms already has the market cornered on it. We’ve all got our thing, right? So what’s yours?