Hi Is This Normal
I’m bored out of my mind. Guess what people? Hanging out with a 1 ½ year old, reading the same book over and over again, getting our shit together for 45 minutes to go on the same park walk, following the same schedule I created to manage routine…everyday…it’s a seriously depressing bore.
Aren’t I supposed to be filled to the brim these days with joy and wonder? Isn’t this supposed to be what we’ve all been waiting for? I would do truly unspeakable things to just get a beer with a friend and complain about a coworker. I miss real, human, adult interaction. I am so, so sick of these books I painfully read aloud with fake animation. I have tried all the tricks. I ordered the play boxes. I am just bored. I get no joy out of doing these things. I feel so impossibly bored.
Is this normal?
Dear Bored AF,
Reality check: parenting is boring AF in the beginning. I mean, sure, there are some exciting moments (those first big milestones, the occasional trip to the ER, etc.). But generally speaking? You spend all your time with a tiny human who probably finds joy in a cardboard box and eats snacks they find on the floor. This isn’t super stimulating stuff here, mama.
Boredom is SO INCREDIBLY normal in these early years. You’d get bored doing the same thing over and over no matter what it was; same restaurant or bar every night, same spin class every Thursday, same routine day in and day out. That is boring! Routine is comforting, but goodness, it’s underwhelming. I always side-eye moms who seem totally and completely fulfilled by the day-to-day monotony of parenting. Like you, it brought me very little joy. I, too, longed for more. More stimulation. More variety. More in my life that felt like it was for ME, and not for my kids.
You know what? It’s time to shake it up a bit. And no, I don’t mean go to a different park or buy some new books for your kid. I mean get a new routine, one that is all about you. You had a kid, and now you’re a mom, but that doesn’t mean you’re no longer human. That doesn’t mean those other parts of yourself just wither away, never to be seen again. You can absolutely be a mom, and still be you. Take a few hours a week, and do whatever the hell you want with those hours. Check out of motherhood, and check into you again. Grab that beer with a friend, take a long lunch with your girls, talk about nonsense. You have to keep your embers burning. Because one day, your kid won’t need you every single hour of every single day. They’re going to go to school, and find their own interests. They’re going to grow up and be independent humans because that’s what we’re doing here. That’s the endgame, right? Devote our lives to them so they can have their own lives one day. And when that day comes, you don’t want to sit around wondering where YOU went.
You have so many years of motherhood ahead of you, and you know what? It does get more exciting (I have a tween, so I’m actually crowdsourcing ways to take the excitement down a notch at the moment). It gets more fun! But don’t look to your kids and your role as a mom to be your only source of personal fulfillment. They, and you, will always fall short.
Looking for Fun in All the Wrong Places,
Is This Normal