Hi Is This Normal,
How do you not resent the shit out of breastfeeding moms? I’ve tried everything! I’ve tried pumping directly after feeding, pumping in between feedings, supplements, lactation bars, food to ‘increase supply’ that dont do shit. I lost my appetite after having her and since then my husband was in a car wreck and broke his leg when the lady hit him. Also our dog has a bleeding tumor on his asshole. There’s just so much going on I really can’t remember to eat or drink…then the very little supply I have tanks even more. I’m only 3 months pp but I just decided yesterday to give up. Now everytime I see about someone complaining about their supply dropping from 9oz to 6 I wanna scream at them. At least they can pump more than a half ounce. I just get so angry and jealous. Fed is best, everyone’s journey is different. I. Get. That. But God damnit…how do you let it go?
No More Breastfeeding.
Dear No More Breastfeeding,
Oh mama. You’ve been through A LOT. And you’re just coming out of your fourth trimester! Honestly, we need to start considering the first few months after you have a baby part of the pregnancy and childbirth process as a whole. Because the physical and emotional stuff we go through in those months is BRUTAL. You’re dealing with recovering from childbirth, a new baby, an injured husband, and a sick fur baby. I’m actually blown away that you stuck it out as long as you did, because if I were you I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. So much respect and admiration for you – you are a badass.
Breastfeeding can feel sort of like a cruel joke, right? Like, here’s this thing that we’re told we NEED to do, it’s what moms do, it’s what our babies need. But hey, you know what? We’re going to make this VERY IMPORTANT THING so incredibly difficult! Makes sense. It doesn’t work for a lot of moms. Some boobs are, as it turns out, merely for decoration. It sounds like you’ve done everything you could think to do to make this breastfeeding thing work, and it didn’t. The fact that you were able to recognize that this wasn’t in the cards and stop putting yourself through a whole lot of misery is actually awesome. You know what’s more important than breastfeeding your baby? YOU! Your mental and physical health! Your babe is going to be just fine, and they are going to be fed, and at the end of the day that is all that matters.
I understand the resentment, and you know what? Totally normal. Here’s this thing you wanted to do, tried so hard to do, and some women are able to do it without any effort whatsoever. That’s infuriating! It’s not fair that it comes easy to some and not at all to others. The same can be said about so many aspects of conception, pregnancy, childbirth. It can feel massively unfair that this natural thing isn’t exactly natural (or easy) for everyone who’s “supposed” to be able to do it. It can be hard not to compare ourselves to other moms, but when we do that we always, ALWAYS come up short. That mom lost all her baby weight. That mom had a completely drug-free delivery at home with a doula and didn’t even tear. That mom over there? She breastfed twins and still had enough milk to be able to pump and donate to milk banks. But what we don’t see are their struggles. There’s more to every story.
You need time to mourn the end of your breastfeeding journey, because it does feel like a loss. Give yourself time! You just changed courses, and while the course you’re on is perfect and best for you and your family, the change still stings. Pretty soon, it won’t bother you to see other moms share about their breastfeeding. You’ll see someone complain about pumping and instead of being jealous, you’ll be relieved that you don’t have to hear that stupid pump 8 times a day. Be gentle with yourself right now, and take the time to say goodbye to something you tried incredibly hard to do. What you’re feeling right now is totally normal, but it won’t feel like this forever.
Focus On How Green Your Grass Is,
Is This Normal