Dear Is This Normal,
Is it normal to want another baby so soon after having my first baby? It was like as soon as she was born, I just wanted to keep re-living the whole experience—aches and pains and all. I’m ashamed to tell people this: I know it’s insane. Even with how exhausted I get with her at two months old now. But I’m also afraid. . .how can I love another baby as much as I love my sweet daughter?
Signed,
Ready for #2
Dear Ready,
Dear Ready,
OMG, this is so incredibly sweet and pure. Is it insane? Maaaaaaaaybe a little. Is it normal? YES! It’s normal because it’s how you feel. Every emotion and feeling we have about our own motherhood experience is 100% real, valid, and totally effing normal.
Pregnancy and childbirth and motherhood are wondrous and awesome and transformative. You’re still in the first stages and honey it gets even more beautiful. And harder! It gets harder.
But that doesn’t mean that what you’re feeling now will diminish or lessen as your little one gets older. Some people just really, really love the experience. The process. There is nothing wrong with that and you should not feel at all ashamed for feeling the way you do! When to have another baby is a decision between you and your partner and should depend SOLELY on what’s best for your family, not what anyone else thinks based on some made-up social rules about second pregnancy planning.
I will say, two kids is a whole different ball game and it might be a good idea to talk to some parents whose kids are close together in age. My own girls are four years apart and spaced that way semi-intentionally, but plenty of parents have kids back to back and love it!
But the beginning can be … challenging. It can be done obviously, parents of multiples are out here running the world every damn day. But it’s always a good idea to know exactly what you’d be in for—you can never be too prepared when it comes to parenting. Think: TWO TODDLERS AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.
As far as being scared you won’t be able to love another child as much as you love your daughter, that’s a fear all parents have. And it’s trite, but true: you don’t have to make room in your heart for another baby, your heart just grows in size to love them both (or all) the same.
You may be surprised by how that love is different, though. A lot of parents are much more relaxed the second time around, so you may find yourself being able to appreciate the little things you missed with your first baby. And your babies will likely be very different, too! So your second will have quirks and traits and do little things that your first didn’t. You may fall in love faster with different aspects of your second baby. It’s familiar but totally new, which is completely wild and sums up this whole parenting thing pretty well.
You’ll know when you’re READY ready for a second baby. And whenever that is, you’ll wonder how you ever lived that long without them.
It’s Just As Great the Second Time Around,
Is This Normal
